My boys

Just as bottomless my frustration can be, just as never ending is my love for these two. Yesterday Fabian did his premiere in his big bros soccer team. they were short of people. You can see his pride as he enters the pitch in the image below.

My two boys, so proud.

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I have given up

Yes, I have given up on mankind. There is no discussion on sociala media or IRL that isn’t black or white. Where people can keep to the point at issue, instead of disparage their opponent.

People are not able to able to see more that two dimensions (if even that). It is always tall or short. Narrow or wide. Happy or sad. With this bottomless barrel of criticism you can scoop from. “This is bad, that is bad, it should be like this (the thing they want it to be is always the total opposite)“.

And the complaining. This infinite whining, that never stops. What about a suggestion on how things could be improved? Naee, in that case, it will be a quick-fix that would help you in your matter. But then with the inability to see that one day the tables might turn  and you would be benefited by the opposite.

It is clear, people are not as clever as they think they are.

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History repeats itself

I remember it as it was yesterday. The Mr and I was leaving the hospital with our firstborn for the first time. The midwife (or if it was a nurse) said: “Don’t forget, now you have a new boss.”

At the time I got offended (of course), which I didn’t show (could have happen). I knew it was no longer me or the Mr who dictated things. I knew it, even if I hadn’t lived it yet. I was (and am) an educated woman.

What I didn’t know was how I would feel about the fact that I couldn’t decide things anymore. This was a process that took about 1.5 month to overcome.

“At the age of 14, the young boy starts to bond and relate more to his father. Rejecting and leaving his mother. It is totally natural in the life of the teenager and part of  his liberation. He’ll be back with his mother at 19, with a blond by his side.”

The words above is how I remember child pshycologist Louise Hallin to put it.

I knew it was coming, I know it’s how life is. What I didn’t know was how fast it came, when it came and I for sure did not know how it would feel.

I feel rejected. I feel (and probably look in his eyes) as an alien. I feel like I lost the love of my life.

I’ll give it 45 days. Then I am done, then I know how to relate to my new role and position. And just bring me this blond one, I will do my outmost not to show her she won’t be good enough for my son.

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Chill mamasita – chill

I’ve come to realize that I’m one of those people, who are either on or off. I think it has to do by the fact that I’m extremely result driven. I clearly have a hard time understanding why to do it, if you don’t want to give it your everything (except physical activities).

It’s not about what is being done or not. It has to do with the willingness to do at all.

Sure, there are things you do just because it’s fun, but then you do it all to make it the most fun, or?

I also realize it can be a hard to work/ cooperate with me as I expect everyone to be as me. Want more, do more to meet the whatever goal set.

Now, as I do know people aren’t always like me, I’m the one who needs a different approach. I need to be challenged in the only two options I see.

The first one is to not care so much if the result is not met. However, then I loose my drive, my engine. Then I become just like the ones I despise.

The other, is to choose wisely in whatever I engage in, securing that I have the same mental approach as the others involved. This however can be hard to know in advance.

Is there another third and fourth way?

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XXV

It passed us by, without any notice, last Monday. The date when me and the Mr had been an item for a quarter of century! Let me repeat – A QUARTER OF CENTURY! It is crazy. And so much fun.  Every single day he makes me laugh. Every second, he makes me furious.

When we met in my late teens I daydreamed of two boys with him. Never could I imagine we’d get the great ones we’ve gotten (well, well maybe not all the time but that is a separate blog post).

Anyway, I love him very much. We are very alike while we, to semi-quote Jerry McGuire,:  “He completes me”. Stays solid when I’m not (which happens every now and then…), brings me up when I see oh so grey skies.

Let’s go for 25 + years more.

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Development

I think I have mentioned it before, but I guess it is worth mentioning again. Kids! What a blessing it is that they grow up!

I have enjoyed all the different stages of motherhood, not said that everyday have been a miracle, but I have found all ages to have their perks.

But now! When they get older and get a completely new experiences and different views on life on what they do AND WHY the do it (or not). Thereto they have the ability to transfer their thinking (yes, you read correctly I mentioned thinking in the context of a teenager) to us adult is really mind boggling . It it possibly so that I’m flabbergasted only because I have, from time to time, very low expectations on my offsprings… on the other hand I don’t think I am unique in this.

Anyhow, I see my descendants in a new life with new capabilities and possibilities than before and it makes me both proud and happy.

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Am I taking it the completely wrong way?

Today was a milestone in the Dock family. Sam, our man, got himself a summer job. For five/six weeks this he’ll be helping out in the kitchen in one of the town’s bigger hotels Riviera Strand. He been trying it out this weekend 7-11 am preparing breakfast and the lunch buffet and did a good enough impression to get hired.

As a parent a summer job makes you happy as it means that your offspring get SOMETHING to do for the 8 week long summer break. And that they will get a (better) understanding of the value of 💰, he will also get hardcore, under his nose, experience of responsibly.

But my interpretation of this summer job is that it’s the ultimate proof of that we, as parents, have succeeded in bringing a somewhat decent young adult to the world.

We are freaking fabulous.

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