To change or not

“It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change.” 

― Charles Darwin

I read his quote on a restroom wall in Lisbon, Portugal once and since then it really stuck to me.

In my strive for personal happiness I live by it (even if I, at times, am quite assured that its my intelligence and nothing else that separates the wheat from the chaff…. There you go, a healthy does of hybris on a Monday morning).

For me, happiness is nothing that is just handed to you. You have to figure it out, for your self, but then you must be open for the fact that it to, might change. Whether it is you who are changing and therefore your reasons for happiness changes OR if it is the other way around, I left unsaid.

But I am certain; to stay happy, you must change, evolve and refine yourself.

In a relationship this becomes a tricky issue as you constantly need to balance your own personal happiness to your partner’s and your common one. And what happens when you realize that your individual happiness’ can not be experienced along the same path. Or when it becomes clear that your common goal doesn’t make one of you especially happy.

The Mr and I have been doing this “relationship” thing for over 20 years (together).

I do not say that it is a competition, we will not end up with a grand prize. I do not say that people split up too easily. Everyone has their own mile to walk. But I take the audacity to say “hurray” for me and my man. For our tremendous work and efforts to keep us together and in fairly happy state (of course we have our lows, they are pitch-black, bottomless holes that comes every seventh year or so, in-between we have the all-time highs and everyday glooms, but we crawl out of it with a respectful amount of communication).

Only time will tell if we’ll last forever. But right now we are one of a kind. Not because we do it, but in the way we do it.
There will be struggles, brunettes and other diversions ahead and I hope we will ride them through.

I hope we can be happy together. But at least we are active in our efforts to be just that.

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