It’s classical, right? A new year, a new start etc etc.
I have always been searching to become better, do better. But for the last years I have been pretty content. And content of being content.
During the last six months however, this have started to change. I am not as content anymore. I feel a little bit stuck in the world of mammon and me want to do good. I mean really good.
It should be pretty easy for me, who let go of the hamster wheel quite some time ago and run my own business. For me it is pretty “easy” to “just” divide my time, doing stuff that is providing me with monetary resources and, in parallell, work with things that are really important to me and society.
So, this year I will do some soul searching. Figure out what I want to do and how I can do it. In this process it will be necessary to accept that this might need to slow down on the things I want to do that require monetary means, as these will take longer to get.
What will be for sure, is that these guys will be my most precious.
As always when the year comes to an end, I start to summarize the learnings I have done. What have 2018 taught me and what should I do with them for 2019?
Grey 2018 verified that life is not back or white. Something I’ve known my entire grown-up life. But, what 2018 have taught me, is that the grey shades are so many more than I previously thought. It’s a complex insight. Because, it makes me more tolerant to others and their experiences, while at the same time, it makes me less tolerant to those who are assured that life IS very black or white.
I need to accept that you are you This year being a parent have, in the most straightforward way, helped me understand that I am important. That the values I stand for are important. While at the same time, some of our kids still need to do stuff their own way.
This insight, to accept what my children are (and are not), have, and still is excruciatingly hard to accept. It is hard to stand beside and learn that the people you love the most, do the most stupid (or at least quite stupid) things. It’s hard to not loose faith that your values, that you thought you taught them, still are important and continue to have them present just to the right level.
The original sin I believe in the original sin. Or let me say nature and nurture. We learn and take after our parenting characteristics and ways from our parents. And no wonder we inherit them! We were being exposed to them when we were children ourselves, at a time when when we were susceptible and when our parents were fumbling in their own security of how to be a parent.
What I can do, is to change the characteristics I don’t approve of now when I’ve acknowledged that I have them. I can change. Just like I’m convinced that my parents did with one of their originals sins.
2019 I will continue to become a better version of myself. For the sake of myself and my family. I will continue to tackle the fact that I don’t like selfish people (and boy, we all are at times). But instead of anger and irritation I will, encourage of my friends, show these people an alternative path. So, far I have failed miserably. On the other hand it is not 2019 yet.
For my children I need to continue to learn to accept what they aren’t and how to relate to this. Continue to love my them and spread my values like biggest layer of love/value-spread all over them.
After almost 15 years we did it. A only grown-up vacation. 4 days and 4 nights we were away from the children.
Together with dear friends we went to Rome to celebrate love. As couples we’ve been together for 25 years. Our friends have been married for 15 and the Mr and I celebrated our 6 anniversary during the trip.
The food was spectacular. And Rome was like a romanticized postcard of it self.
For anyone interested here is a looooong video of our days.
This morning the Mr called and informed me that his grandfather passed during the night.
He has reached an impressive age of 102 years 3 moths and 7 days.
For my husband he was very dear and have been for his entire life. We and the boys were never to be call him great granddad, as he and his 10 year younger wife thought it sounded terribly old. We had to call him granddad Erik.
Two and a half weeks ago the Mr and I sat at their kitchen table and the Mr joined his grandfather for a small whiskey. So thankful that we took the time to stop by. You never know when it is too late. Today it would have been.
When an old person passes, it is the natural part of life that we call death. It’s perfectly normal and how it should be. But now the world is one very good man short. And the world needs these good people.